You Don't Have to Suffer to Help Heal

For a long time, I believed that to help others heal, I had to be deeply broken first.

I thought wisdom only came from devastation. That spiritual leadership required surviving something dark enough, painful enough, dramatic enough to justify taking up space in healing circles. I quietly told myself that unless I had suffered in extreme ways, I didn’t really belong.

That belief kept me small for a long time.

The truth is, I had a happy childhood. My parents are still together—mostly happy, which still makes me smile. I grew up with four sisters, running around outside, playing, imagining, laughing. There was love. There was safety. There was joy. And somehow, I thought that disqualified me.

Now, my teenage years weren’t easy. I was emotional, sensitive, and often depressed, There were experiences during that time that left marks. Some of those moments could absolutely be called trauma. And later in life, some experiences cracked my soul open in ways I didn’t expect.

But when I compared my story to others, I minimized it. I told myself it “wasn’t bad enough.” I convinced myself that people who had suffered more had more to offer.

At one point, someone I respect deeply once told me that mediums are only made through trauma or near-death experiences. And while I honor their path and their truth, I don’t agree.

I believe we are all born with these gifts.

Some people are awakened through hardship. Others through curiosity. Some through loss. Others through love. Trauma may activate gifts for some—but it does not create them.

Sensitivity, intuition, empathy, and the ability to hold space don’t only come from being shattered. Sometimes they come from being allowed to stay soft.

In fact, I’ve come to believe that my life helped preserve something important in me.

I still believe love matters. I still believe kindness heals. I still believe gentleness has power. And while I absolutely have wounds and ongoing inner work—because healing is a lifelong process—I no longer believe I am less than because my suffering didn’t look like someone else’s.

Pain is not a prerequisite for purpose.

If you’ve ever felt like your story wasn’t heavy enough to matter…If you’ve ever thought you had nothing to offer because you weren’t “broken enough”…If you’ve ever questioned your place in healing spaces because your life included joy as well as pain…

This is your reminder:

You do not need to suffer more to be worthy of helping others.

You do not need to harden to be wise.

You do not need to bleed to be of service.

Sometimes the world doesn’t need another story of survival.

Sometimes it needs someone who remembers how to lead with love.