Self-Love is NOT Selfish

Self-love is defined as love for oneself or "regard for one's own happiness or advantage". For most of my life, I thought, self-love meant you were selfish or conceited. To be happy with your body, or any part of yourself was made out to be wrong. I heard there were murmurings about the photos of my body I chose to post on Facebook. I have worked hard to get where I am and I am proud of it and will continue to post photos that make me feel good about myself. In the past, this may have hurt me, but today it made me wonder why women feel so poorly about themselves that they need to knock others down.

Our society has made being a woman almost impossible. The monologue from America Ferrara in the Barbie movie sums it up perfectly.

"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

"But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know."

So feel good about yourself, but do not ADMIT you feel good about yourself or show it. What a contradictory world we live in. And our peers, other women, are the biggest offenders.

It isn't just about physical appearance either. We are dampened down in so many ways, no wonder we find it hard to love ourselves!! For so long, I hid who I was because I was afraid of who wouldn't like me or who would judge me. I also dampened myself down so I wouldn't be bigger than those around me. I wanted to fit in and follow the crowd. The day I woke up and started living for me and not others was the day all that changed.

It is ok to be you and love yourself for it!!!! You are unique and have gifts to offer the world. I also believe every woman is beautiful. Let the light in you shine and don't care what others think. Break those chains holding you back and BE YOURSELF WITHOUT FEAR. If you lose people in your life during the process, those were not your people. And, if you need a friend through it, message me. I will be your cheerleader and encourage you along the way. I want us all to feel this love and respect for ourselves that I have found.

There are hard days. Days I look in the mirror and think yuck. So the days I look in the mirror and think, damn girl! You have it going on today. You better believe I am going to continue to share those pics or post those thoughts and relish in them. Let's build each other up. Be that girl that messages me the 🔥 emoji in response to my pics instead of scowling when you look at it. And for those that scowl, I think you are beautiful too. Stop hiding behind your insecurities and step into the light. It is bright and beautiful here. I can't wait for you to join me. :)